The First Holidays and Anniversary Without Your Pet

Updated November 4, 2026

The first holidays and the first anniversary without your pet are often harder than people expect. It helps to plan ahead: decide on one small way to include your pet's memory, like an ornament, a candle or a donation in their name, tell the people around you what you need, and give yourself permission to change or skip traditions this year.

The University of Florida's small animal hospital puts the first step simply: "Acknowledge that the day or event might be painful for you," and remember that the wave of sadness will pass after the event.

Why the firsts hit so hard

Holidays are built on routine and repetition, and pets are part of those routines: the dog who sat under the table at Thanksgiving, the cat who climbed the tree every December, the stocking with their name on it. The first time through each of those moments without them can catch you off guard.

Anniversaries carry their own weight. The University of Florida notes that an anniversary can bring back memories of the day your pet passed or the events leading up to it.

Small ways to include your pet

You don't need a big gesture. One small, deliberate act often feels right. Ideas drawn from university veterinary hospitals' grief resources:

• Light a candle. Both the University of Florida and Virginia Tech's veterinary teaching hospital suggest lighting a candle in your pet's memory. On a holiday table, on the mantel, or by the urn.
• Hang an ornament with their photo. University of Florida and Virginia Tech both suggest an ornament with your pet's image. Purdue's veterinary hospital lists a paw print ornament.
• Write a letter. Virginia Tech suggests a short letter about the year and what you've missed together. The University of Florida also suggests writing to your pet.
• Set up a small spot. Virginia Tech suggests a small holiday altar with their favorite belongings.
• Share old holiday photos with family.
• Give in their name. Virginia Tech suggests donating time or items to a local rescue or shelter in your pet's name. One way to do it: fill a stocking with treats and toys and take it to a shelter.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and other holidays

A few specific ideas:

• The table. Leave the corner where your dog sat empty, or put a candle there. Some families say a sentence of thanks for their pet before the meal.
• The tree or decorations. If an ornament or stocking feels right, hang it. If it doesn't, put it away for a year. There's no rule.
• The urn. Holiday decorating can mean moving a pet's urn or memorial spot. Find it a new, safe place on purpose, rather than letting it end up in a box.
• Gifts. Some people buy one toy and donate it. Others can't face the pet aisle this year. Both are okay.
• Lighting candles. If your family lights candles for a holiday, you might light one more, or say your pet's name when you do.

Birthdays and adoption days

Many families mark their pet's birthday, or the day they came home, which some people call a "gotcha day." These dates can become gentler over time. Ideas:

• Take the walk you always took, at the same time of day.
• Make a donation the same size as a year of their favorite treats.
• Visit the shelter where you adopted them and drop off supplies.
• Look through photos together and tell one story each.

The one-year anniversary

The first anniversary of a pet's death is a natural moment for a small ritual. The University of Florida suggests planning a memorial activity, or looking back on how far you've come in your grief. Some options:

• Visit the grave or the place where you scattered the ashes.
• Plant something. A bulb, a perennial, or a tree.
• Hold a small gathering. Invite the people who loved your pet. Even five people on a video call can mark the day.
• Light a candle at the same hour.
• Write a letter to your pet, a year on.
• Do nothing special. A quiet day is also a way to honor it.

Telling family and friends what you need

The University of Florida suggests letting "those who are close to and supportive of you know your needs." It notes that many people avoid saying a pet's name for fear of upsetting you, and that hearing it can be comforting, so you might invite them to say it. It also suggests that you can gently tell well-meaning people that you don't expect them to erase your pain.

Simple scripts:

• "This is our first Christmas without Bear. I might be quieter than usual, and that's okay."
• "I'd love it if you shared a memory of Bear at dinner."
• "I'm going to skip the cookie exchange this year. I'll be back next year."
• "Please don't bring up getting another dog yet."

Changing traditions

It's okay to change things. The University of Florida suggests changing traditions that no longer fit, and handing off tasks like cooking or hosting. If the morning walk is too painful, Ohio State's veterinary medical center suggests taking walks at a different time and place at first.

Lean on support

Holidays can be lonely when the people around you don't fully understand pet grief. Lap of Love, for example, has offered a three-week holiday workshop on carrying love through the holidays, alongside its free online pet loss support groups. See pet loss support resources for hotlines and groups.

A candle anyone can light

If family is spread out for the holidays, you can all light a candle at the same time, wherever you are. On Bridgeside, anyone you share your pet's memorial with can light a candle there, at any hour, so relatives far away can mark the day too.